1

"Dear Bacon-ate-r,

I know how you feel.  I went through exactly the same thing earlier this year.  After much soul-searching, I decided I needed a much greater sin to balance the guilt I felt for craving meat.  I considered killing younglings, but this didn't feel evil enough to suit anything but a badly acted movie.  Next, I considered traveling to an Asian country and killing babies, but this was so 1960's as to be useless for making me feel guilty.  After further thought, I realized I must commit a sin so heinous, so vile, no one could ever consider the eating of meat as anything but the most trivial of offenses.  And thus, it is my duty to speak to you today of the joys of accepting Donald Trump as my presidential candidate and personal savior from the forces of vegetarianism..."

 

2 Ubu wins.

3 Meat is the perfect antidote for your typical low-energy herbivore.

On semi-serious note, this SJW dilemma reminds me of an exchange in Spartacus:

Crassus: Do you eat oysters?
Antoninus: When I have them, master.
Crassus: Do you eat snails?
Antoninus: No, master.
Crassus: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral, and the eating of snails to be immoral?

At the heart of Antoninus' dilemma is a question of whether his virtue is a result of his morality and upbringing, or a result of intimidation - the threat of punishment by Rome and its Legions - in which case, Antoninus' morality is a rationalization of his submission ex post facto (a facade, "virtue-signalling").

4

'Hitler was a vegetarian.  If you don't want to be like Hitler, don't be vegetarian.'

Or:

"Hitler was a vegetarian, which means vegetarianism is not ethical.'

Note that Hitler was also big on banning animal cruelty and smoking - while being quite happy to murder millions of people in barbaric ways.  Which, now that I think about it, is not much different from the end goals and means of many environmentalists and animal rights activists.

5

My answer to Crassus would be, "It has nothing to do with morality; it's just that I don't like snails."

(Of course, I myself don't eat any kind of shellfish including oysters, but that's as may be.)