December 14, 2009

Translator Smackdown! Ayako versus Chihiro!

I originally started downloading Chihiro's fansubs of To Aru Kagaku no Railgun but they kind of fell behind and I didn't see any of them after ep 6. Ayako, on the other hand, was always current, so I picked them up as of ep 7.

Then I decided to go back and get all their earlier ones, so I've got Ayako's subs now of 1-11. Today I noticed that Chihiro had reached ep 10, and I managed to find their versions of eps 7-9, so I've got them up to their leading edge, which is one behind.

When I watched Ayako's version of ep 1 I noticed several places where their translations were considerably different, and it occurred to me that it might make an interesting post to compare the two. So here goes, below the fold.


00:24 Ayako: This city never fails to keep me entertained.
    Chihiro: Really, you never do get bored in this city.

I heard the word taikutsu in there, which means "bored". And I think that Chihiro's translation does a better job of conveying Mikoto's annoyance.

02:33 Ayako: We can't have you picking fights like this.
    Chihiro: It's troublesome when you interfere as you please.

Someone is taking serious liberties with this line, but I can't tell who.

05:37 Ayako: She has so much destructive power that they need to use the pool water as a shock absorbant.
    Chihiro: Her power is so destructive that it can't even be measured without using the water as a dampener.

I don't know who is more accurate, but Chihiro's line feels more natural. It delivers better.

06:50 Ayako: Though... these breasts are a bit too small to stand out on their own.
    Chihiro: this chest, lacking a bit of the ineffable qualities of youth, may be too modest for that.

06:55 Ayako: Your modesty is your sin, Onee-sama...
    Chihiro: Ah, but this modesty is what makes Onee-sama so sinfully voluptuous.

I can't really tell, but I think Chihiro's translator is taking liberties here. But he's doing it to make the situation more funny, and I think it works. I prefer Chihiro's version of this one.

07:53 Ayako: You're so mean...
    Chihiro: That was mean...

Uiharu says hidoi desu yo. Both translations are permissible since the subject is missing from that sentence, but considering Uiharu's character, I think Chihiro's translation is more in-character. Uiharu isn't the kind of girl who would directly accuse another of something even if it was true.

08:24 Ayako: Umm, I'm not really sure if that's the right method of encouragement, but anyway...
    Chihiro: Err... there's a lot in that teacher's reasoning that's just begging for a quip,

I suspect what's going on here is that what Saten really said was tough to translate, and they both winged it.

09:36 Ayako: Isn't she just another one of those whores who look down on everyone else and think their own ability is all that?
    Chihiro: No doubt she's one of those people who look down on others because of their abilities.

I don't think Saten is the kind to use language that rough. I have to vote for Chihiro this time, absent specific evidence about what Saten really said.

10:37 Ayako: Now, I know you find the actions of your fangirls disgusting, but Uihara is a nice, polite girl.
    Chihiro: I'm well aware of the fact that you care little for the insolence of your followers, but Uihara's a girl who knows her place.

And yet again. Ayako's version is rougher than Chihiro's, and I can't see Kuroko saying something quite that frank. Circumlocution is more in-character. Mikoto isn't an ojou-sama, but Kuroko is one. She uses watakushi, for instance. Ladies like that don't use words that strong.

11:07 Ayako: Part 1: Go to a restaurant to strengthen our friendship.
    Chihiro: Part one: Deepen our relationship at a family restaurant.

Ayako's translator seems to have missed the joke. This isn't about "friendship", it's about Kuroko trying to seduce Mikoto.

11:09 Ayako: Part 2: Go to the lingerie shop (to buy sexy underwear).
    Chihiro: Part two: Go to a lingerie store (to buy 'get-lucky' underwear).

And here, too. I have no idea what the original Japanese was, but Chihiro's version of this, the phrase "get-lucky underwear", always makes me laugh. Ayako's version just sits there.

11:14 Ayako: Part 4: Delete Uiharu
    Chihiro: Part four: Get rid of Uiharu.

What she really said was Uiharu kujo. Literally that means "extermination, expulsion, destruction" so Ayako has translated it accurately. But Chihiro's line works better. Kuroko doesn't mean "kill her"; she's talking about dumping her to get her out of the way of the upcoming seduction attempt. Ayako isn't making any attempt to support the humor in the scene.

This is probably a good point to describe the main difference I see: Ayako sounds like a translation. Chihiro sounds like a script. By which I mean that Chihiro is writing the English the way that someone would write it if they were trying to make the show good in the other language. Ayako is translating the dialog literally, without any nuance or cultural translation, and isn't making any attempt to make the dialog fit the characters or the scene or the intentions of the original writers.

11:20 Ayako: So, in other words, you're going to take advantage of your nice, polite friend in order to live out your sick fantasies.
    Chihiro: In other words, you intend to take advantage of your innocent friend in order to realize your own perverted fantasies?

Ayako continues to miss the point. The word translated here as "sick" or "perverted" is hentai and Chihiro's "perverted" not only is more accurate, it's funnier.

16:28 Ayako: Uiharu, report to the Antiskills and see if we've suffered any casualties.
    Chihiro: Uiharu! Contact Anti-Skill and check for any casualties!

Kuroko is snapping out orders in an action situation. Ayako's translation is too wordy; it feels like conversation, not like crisp orders. It may be accurate but it isn't what someone would really say in a situation like that.

19:10 Ayako: Looks like things just got personal.
    Chihiro: This just got personal.

Ayako's translation comes across as too casual. Mikoto has blood in her eye, and Chihiro's translation properly conveys more menace. Mikoto is announcing her intention to kick butt.

19:21 Ayako: Judgment has this Teleporter with a really nasty reputation. You're done for if she catches you. She'll shred your body and your soul to pieces.
    Chihiro: There's this malevolent Teleporter in Judgement who'll tear apart the body and soul of anyone she catches!

I have a feeling that Ayako's translation is more accurate on a microscopic level, but it feels stilted. Chihiro's line is one I can imagine someone saying.

20:11 Ayako: Tokiwadai middle school's pride. Our invincible Electric Princess.
    Chihiro: the pride of Tokiwadai Middle School, the peerless Electric Princess!

The key word in this one is muteki which can be translated as "invincible" or as "unrivaled". "Peerless" is another good translation of the second meaning, and I think Chihiro made the better choice. Kuroko's pride in her friend notwithstanding, Mikoto is not invincible and Kuroko isn't one to engage in that kind of hyperbole.

Obviously I prefer Chihiro's translation. Both translators seem technically competent, but Chihiro's translator is a better writer. So I'm glad Chihiro didn't drop the show.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste in General Anime at 09:24 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 1228 words, total size 8 kb.

1 I'm fond of Chihiro's subbing in general.  If they're subbing a show I'm even vaguely interested in, I'll watch it (Except for Railgun.  I'm watching Mazui's subs for that).  They did great work on Hatsukoi Limited, I think.

Except, of course, I don't understand Japanese, so I haven't the faintest if their translation is any good, but it sure FEELS right.  I get the same vibe from their subs that I do from SS-Eclipse or AFK. 


Posted by: Wonderduck at December 14, 2009 10:15 PM (C32SO)

2

You got me curious, so I decided to see if I could download Mazui's version of ep 1.

I found the torrent, which uses a tracker named "herpes.deepbone.net", a name that doesn't inspire confidence. And all my attempts to contact it resulted in HTTP error 500, server error.

I guess I won't be able to collect comparable quotes from that one.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at December 14, 2009 10:57 PM (+rSRq)

3 I've done some fansubbing of live action shows. I started doing it when my Japanese was considerably poorer than it is now, but even then turning Japanese into something that was both natural English and faithful to the original was a bigger challenge than was understanding the Japanese.

This is exacerbated a bit because in the back of your mind you know that any time you diverge from a really literal translation there will be someone out there who speaks some Japanese who will complain about it (and this must be far worse if you're subbing high profile stuff- the stuff I did was probably eventually seen by just a few thousand people, maybe even less than that.)

I never minded legitimate corrections to my translations, but it always did surprise me that people would "correct" me on some  (usually very basic) point of Japanese when it should have been obvious from the fact that I could translate the show that I must understand such a basic point, and must have decided that taking a liberty there made for a better translation.

At any rate, there's nothing to be done about that sort of thing. If you fansub that will happen. So, for a lot of the reasons you're talking about above re the Chihiro translator being a better writer, I tended to translate fairly loosely if I thought it would make for a better experience for the people watching who didn't speak Japanese.

Posted by: tds at December 15, 2009 09:46 AM (JzDCT)

4 How do Chihiro translate the chorus of the OP? I've noticed Ayako keep changing thier minds on the engrish bit (from 'letting my soul out' early on to 'ima sugu'on the later episodes)

Posted by: Andy Janes at December 15, 2009 11:11 AM (cEaZp)

5

They're quite a lot different all the way through.

Ayako (ep 10):

Shoot out, leave behind
dreams etched into your mind, and even the future
I have no limit. That word doesn't mean anything.
Deliver a distant wish,
using this flashing power.
If the only thing I can do is to look back
down the path I've been walking,
then I can destroy everything right here.
The cityscape falls into darkness.
How much can humans resist?
You can surely protect someone
from this accelerating pain.

(Engrish)Looking the blitz loop this planet to search way.
Only my RAILGUN can shoot it.

Right now.
A sensation ran through my body
at the speed of light.
If you desire it, then take hold of everything.
My originality lets me shine.
I still believe in the vow we made that day.
Even the tears in my eyes
will become my strength.

Chihiro (ep 10):

Let go of the dreams inscribed in your heart,
and leave behind your future.
Boundaries don't mean a thing to me.
Our power will spread light
and the distant feelings before us.
If there's nothing we can do
but look back on the path we came from,
then, right now,
let's destroy it all.
How long will people be able to
stand and face the streets drenched in darkness?
I'm sure there's someone we can save
from that accelerating pain.

(Engrish)Look in the prism, this planet, to search a way
Only my railgun can shoot it right now.

A definite premonition
runs through my body at the speed of light.
Take it! If there's something you want,
hold onto it, with your sparkling sense of self.
I believe in our promise of that day.
Even the shining tears in my eyes
will become my strength.

I'm a little surprised there isn't any consensus on the Engrish yet. By halfway through Macademi Wasshoi a CD had come out with the OP and a written version of the lyrics, and the fansub group started using that. Railgun seems to be a popular show, and I'm a bit surprised that they haven't been issuing CDs for it yet. (Or maybe they didn't include the lyrics.)

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at December 15, 2009 11:35 AM (+rSRq)

6 This site has both versions, with the Chihiro-version engrish crossed out as "done by ear, replaced with official lyrics", corrected on the day the CD single was released.

-j

Posted by: J Greely at December 15, 2009 01:48 PM (fpXGN)

7 J's link is NSFW.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at December 15, 2009 03:02 PM (+rSRq)

8 Really? I didn't see anything. Do the ads rotate, or did I just not look down far enough?

-j

Posted by: J Greely at December 15, 2009 03:20 PM (fpXGN)

9 Some of the Amazon ads on the top of the left column are pretty marginal.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at December 15, 2009 04:02 PM (+rSRq)

10 Gendou.com almost always has the translations, but they may or may not be official. See Railgun.  If you follow the link at the bottom, it will take you to the translator's blog, where there are some interesting arguments much like tds referenced..

Posted by: ubu at December 15, 2009 04:58 PM (VYqnc)

11 Mazui's subs for ep01:

00:24 - Seriously, never a dull moment in this city, huh.

They left the "ad catch" in, so everything is offset 10 seconds on their version of the episode from here on in.

02:33 - It's problematic if someone does the job first.
05:37 - She has so much destructive power that they can't properly measure it without dampening it using the pool.
06:50 - ...but it's a humble little chest that needs some more con-fi-dence.
07:00 - But this humility is Onee-sama's iniquity!  (Wonderduck's note: ding! we have a winner!)
07:53 - You're so cruel.
08:24 - There's too many openings to poke fun at...
09:36 - I bet she's just another one of those people who acts better than everyone else because of their abilities.
10:37 - I know you're fed up with fans always pestering you, however I can vouch that Uihara is very well mannered.
11:07 - Step 1: Deepen relationship in a family restaurant.  Step 2: Lingerie shopping- purchase sexy underwear... ...Step 4: Eliminate Uiharu.
11:20 - Basically, acting generously towards your friend and taking advantage of her, in order to enact your own perveted fantasies.
16:38 - Uiharu!  Contact Antiskill and check for any casualties!
19:10 - This fight has turned personal now.
19:21 - There's this horrifying teleporter in Judgment who'll tear apart your body and soul if she catches you.
20:11 - Tokiwadai Middle School's pride, the unrivaled Electric Princess!

Posted by: Wonderduck at December 15, 2009 09:45 PM (C32SO)

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