July 31, 2011

Is Hollywood out of ideas yet?

I think it's obvious that they are. Here's yet more proof: they're working on a sequel to the movie "300". It'll be called "300: Battle of Artemisia".

How are they going to manage that when the entire 300 died in the first movie? The reason we celebrate the Battle of Thermopylae is precisely because those men bravely sacrificed themselves in order to protect their homeland from Persian invasion. Ye Gods.

UPDATE: Seems that the Battle of Artemisium (sic) was the parallel naval battle between the Greeks and Persians. The Greeks were outnumbered there, too, but not as badly as at Thermopylae.

They're in the early scripting stage on this. I bet this never gets made.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste in General Entertainment at 11:25 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
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1 Odd.

Artemisia wasn't a battle. It was the ports the Greek fleets departed from when they sortied to Salamis. However this gives me hope 'cause I've always wanted to see Salamis on the big screen

The naval battle of Salamis was the real turning point of the war.  Themistocles' was an extraordinarily competent naval officer. Athenian forces were outnumbered at least two to one ( as much as three to one depending on who one uses as a source) Not only did Themistocles eliminate huge numbers of Persian troops,  his fleet broke the back of both the Persians navy and their logistical train dooming the Persian campaign.

Themistocles had also been crucial in getting the Athenians to ally with Leonidas and had been present in a supporting role at Thermopylae. He evacuated the bulk of the Greek forces to safety after the  encirclement while Leonidas and a small force of Spartans and Thespians under Leonidas fought their rightfully lauded delaying action. Themistocles really saved western civilization.

I hope this film is not a cacophony of fail. I am not optimistic however.

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at July 31, 2011 11:49 AM (EJaOX)

Leonidas and a small force of Spartans and Thespians under Leonidas

..and the award for the department of redundancy department award goes to The Brickmuppet. (facepalm)

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at July 31, 2011 12:03 PM (EJaOX)

...seems that the Battle of Artemisium (sic) was the parallel naval battle between the Greeks and Persians.

Well damn. The Wiki-fu award goes to Steven.
Obviously the history fail award goes to moi...I'll just slink over here and be very, very quiet.

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at July 31, 2011 12:06 PM (EJaOX)

4 According to that Wikipedia article, Artemisia was one of the Persian commanders. Artemisium was where a battle took place.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 31, 2011 12:51 PM (+rSRq)

5 So, you're saying that the idea of a sea-based sequel to 300  is "all wet"?  *ducks*

Posted by: Siergen at July 31, 2011 01:36 PM (Za5nM)

6 Depends on who the ducks are.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 31, 2011 02:09 PM (+rSRq)

7 I don't get how this could possibly work.

Okay, granted that a cinematic presentation of Salamis could be awesome on its own merits. But 300 wasn't just a cinematic presentation of Thermopylae. It was a cinematic presentation of Frank Miller's work, and that's some pretty heavily stylized work at that. How do you translate a naval battle into the same visual style? It would be very easily to miss by a long, long way, at which point you just have a silly, campy movie.

Posted by: Avatar_exADV at July 31, 2011 03:15 PM (mRjOr)


I didn't see "300" but another aspect of it is that it's about Leonidas in particular. He's the focus of the story.

If you want to try to have that same kind of intensity, you need a similarly charismatic leader for the Greeks in the naval battle. And I'm not sure Themistocles would work for that. Or Eurybiades, either. Who's ever heard of them? There aren't any legends about them the way there are about Leonidas.

I agree; it wouldn't work, and that's one of the reasons why I don't think it'll ever be made.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 31, 2011 03:30 PM (+rSRq)

9 <quote>I bet this never gets made.</quote>

My god, sir!  You are an optimist, aren't you?

Posted by: atomic_fungus at July 31, 2011 03:58 PM (nvyIB)

10 Admittedly there has been a lot of utter crap made into movies.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 31, 2011 04:46 PM (+rSRq)

11 Isn't being utter crap actually one of the REQUIREMENTS for a movie these days?

The higher the sequel number, the happier the accountants who have displaced all the creatives in Hollywood are.

Posted by: Mauser at July 31, 2011 06:45 PM (cZPoz)

12 I went and saw "Cowboys & Aliens" earlier today.  As further proof that Hollywood is officially scraping the bottom of the barrel, they had this trailer.

Posted by: CatCube at July 31, 2011 08:33 PM (20436)


A lot of people are pointing that one out as another example of the bankrupcy of ideas.

Once upon a time someone made a spoof trailer for "Minesweeper: The Movie". But it wouldn't surprise me if it got done.

If they can make a TV game show out of tic-tac-toe, they can do anything.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 31, 2011 09:22 PM (+rSRq)

14 I just saw a trailer for "Battleship".

Okay, but honestly it was a movie about the navy encountering an alien space battleship floating on the ocean and accidentally activating it.

Posted by: Mauser at July 31, 2011 10:22 PM (cZPoz)

15 Oh, that was the trailer in the youtube link.

Posted by: Mauser at July 31, 2011 10:26 PM (cZPoz)

16 They should go for Somalean pirates finding the alien battleship, and then we're in big trouble. But maybe they won't dare.

Posted by: Pete Zaitcev at August 01, 2011 05:50 AM (9KseV)

17 Eh, Hollywood isn't *totally* out of ideas.  They just have hit a slightly pathological attitude towards finding adaptable properties.  Comic book adaptations have been largely a success, financially if not critically ( well, at least when not done by Warner Brothers. . . ).  Fantasy novels produced two huge successes, with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter.  And then you had the who-would-have-expected-it success  of Pirates of the Carribean.

Combine all those together, and you have Hollywood execs thinking "the key to a hit movie is to adapt something, anything."  And since board games are cheap to license. . .

Posted by: metaphysician at August 01, 2011 06:51 AM (hD30M)

18 Coming soon -- Checkers: The Movie.

Posted by: ubu at August 01, 2011 10:43 AM (i7ZAU)


"If they can make a TV game show out of tic-tac-toe, they can do anything."

Wasn't WarGames tic-tac-toe: the movie?  (I kid, I kid...)

"Coming soon -- Checkers: The Movie."

Hmm... that's in the public domain, so no licensing issues. Even cheaper!  I expect that's next summer's plan.

Posted by: Mikeski at August 01, 2011 02:47 PM (GbSQF)

20 This is why I am quite happy for the comic book adaptations.  At least they, by and large, are *good*, with enough money made to keep the execs happy.

Posted by: metaphysician at August 01, 2011 04:25 PM (hD30M)

21 It looks like it's based on Frank Miller's Xerxes miniseries, where Themistocles is indeed the protagonist. He's called "the Subtle Serpent" because of his deviousness. Granted, most people don't know about him, but how many movie-goers knew about Leonides? Miller does say that protraying the Athenian fleet is a massive artistic undertaking.

Posted by: muon at August 02, 2011 12:40 AM (JXm2R)

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